Fate Is a Witch by Ward Parker
Author:Ward Parker [Parker, Ward]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Mad Mangrove Media
Published: 2020-04-29T22:00:00+00:00
Missy had thought the five-hour drive would be a great opportunity to bond further with Agnes. She hadnât counted on the backseat of her rental car being occupied by two additional vampires. Sol and Oleg were recruited by Agnes to be the âmuscleâ of the group. That guys in their seventies and sixties in body age, respectively, were considered muscle tells you what living in a Florida retirement community does to your perspective.
They left shortly after dusk, as Jellyfish Beachâs version of rush hour was petering out. Once Missy merged onto I-95, she glanced in the rearview mirror at the âmuscle.â Sol, with his long nose, bat-like ears, and spectral face, looked like Nosferatu incongruously wearing a Red Sox cap and earbuds. He nodded his head to whatever music a 450-year-old would be into. Oleg, the baby of her passengers at only 300-some-odd years, stared out the window stoically. Passing headlights gleamed on the shaved head of the former cavalry officer under Catherine the Great.
This was the longest drive Missy had ever gone on with vampires. Unlike many seniors, Missyâs passengers didnât have to stop frequently to use the restroom. Vampires donât pee very often, every other day at the most. They drink very little water and their metabolisms are exponentially slower than humansâ. But that didnât mean the vampires were easy car-mates.
They constantly argued about the temperature settings. The rental car didnât have separate controls for the rear seat, so it was an unending battle. Agnes preferred warmer temperatures. The gentlemen in back wanted it cold. No matter who won out, the temperature was about ten degrees cooler than Missy could stand.
They had another annoying habit. Most vampires have a strong predatory instinct. Ridiculously strong. Missy discovered how strong when, along a rural stretch of the interstate, Oleg suddenly barked a command in his Russian accent that she pull over. With no idea what the problem was, she stopped in the break-down lane. Oleg leaped out of the car before it had stopped rolling and darted off into the forest of slash pines.
âWhat the heck was that all about?â Missy asked.
âThere are some deer about a hundred yards into the woods,â Agnes replied.
âYou actually know that?â
âThey make a lot of noise when they walk around in the brush,â Agnes said. âAnd they have a very distinct scent.â
âI told you guys I brought snacks so we wouldnât have to stop,â Missy said. âThere are plenty of blood bags in the cooler.â
âItâs instinctual, dear,â Agnes said. âHe canât help it.â
Sol, stared in the direction Oleg had gone, but his own predatory instinct was apparently easier to overcome. He continued to bob his head to the beat of whatever was on his undead playlist.
Oleg emerged from the woods and sprinted over the grass to the car.
âSorry about that,â he said, wiping a few drops of blood from his chin with a napkin. âBut it was refreshing.â
âIs everyone all set?â Missy asked. âNo more stops, I donât care what critters we pass.â
âYes, Missy,â the vampires all replied.
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Dark Humor | Humorous |
Satire |
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